Week 4 Story: Sita's Turmoil
I told him I wanted that deer.
I told him I wanted that deer. That’s all I can think about as I kick myself amidst my terror. At the same time, I feel like laughing, but then I realize the Rakshasa King’s claws are digging into my sides. I’m restrained.
Don’t move, I think.
If I move the claws will dig deeper.
This is all my fault, I think.
I can feel the tears begin to stream down my cheeks.
Rama and I would still be together if I wouldn’t have been so stupid. Already, I feel the separation.
Lakshmana even told you it was a trick.
My mind can only think of just how stupid I was. I sent my husband after a far too beautiful deer to possibly exist, and then I sent his brother after him because I wouldn’t listen to his correct reasoning. I was so stupid, will Rama take me back? He’s the only man I could ever be with.
I look down, my eyes overflowing with my tears. The trees look wet and bubbly, as if they’re encased in the ocean, but it’s my tears conforming the view to my eyes. I see Rama. He’s fighting a rakshasa, it must have been the deer I sent him after.
I sent him to that fight. I’m supposed to be his companion. I'm supposed to help him, not send him into more trouble.
A fresh wave of emotion floods me.
“Would you stop your wailing!” A threatening voice from above me gripes. It’s Ravana. “You can be my bride now. You don’t need that… idiot.”
I want to tell him that he’s not an idiot. That he’s a hero. My hero. But I’m too overcome with emotion. I just shake my head.
If Rama will take me back…
I’d rather die here than marry this hideous creature….
Author's Note: I thought the story lacked Sita's emotions after her capture by Ravana and wanted to add that element to her character. The story tells of her being picked up by him and carried off, but she must have had a million thoughts rushing through her head, especially since it's basically her fault that all this trouble is happening. So this is essentially just a part of the story that I thought should be added.
Story Source: Indian Myth and Legend by Donald A. Mackenzie and the verse portion Ramayana, The Epic of Rama, Prince of India, condensed into English verse by Romesh Dutt
I like how you incorporated Sita's feelings by making your own story. She would definitely have had a lot of time for thinking as Ravana took her away and brought her all the way to Lanka. The phrase "If Rama will take me back" is also interesting because it seems like it has a little bit of foreshadowing. Because later we find out the Rama wouldn't take back Sita unless she passed his trial. If you wanted to continue the story, maybe you could discuss her emotions as Hanuman arrives and burns down the city. It could be interesting to see her regain a sense of hope.
ReplyDeleteHey Aleshia,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your incorporation of Sita's feelings from her capture. She must have felt so much emotional distress. What if you chose the same formatting throughout the text? I found it to be a little distracting, and I was not quite sure whether the lighter texts were supposed to be just Sita's thoughts because the darker texts had Sita's thoughts also. I think that incorporating a clear sentence such as "some rakshasa can assume the form of a deer" and then adding "he’s fighting a rakshasa, it must have been the deer I sent him after" would bring better clarification to the story.
Your classmate,
Joanna Yoon
I love getting to see the kidnapping from Sita's point of view. It adds a new layer of depth to the story to see that Sita realizes her mistake, and feels guilty over it. The story does end with a lot of unresolved tension that leaves it feeling unfinished, though. You've set up the conflict, but the reader wants to know if Rama takes her back, does he even manage to defeat the rakshsas? Or find her and rescue her? By bringing the story to a close in some fashion and answering the questions you brought up, I think it would be a lot more satisfying story.
ReplyDeleteWow! I loved how Sita's feelings are incorporated into the story. Writing about her feelings shows that Sita is more than just Rama's wife. She does love him and shows remorse for making him get the deer, since it was her fault. I also like how even though Sita was captured and in pain from the claws, she still thinks about Rama before herself.
ReplyDeleteTAG Comment:
ReplyDeleteHey Aleisha,
I really like how you added more emotion to Sita’s character during her capture by Ravana. In Narayan’s version of the Ramayana, I noticed that we don’t get much information about how Sita felt during her capture by Ravana. I like how you made her feel guilty about her decision to send Rama to go after the deer. Did you consider to maybe add some more dialogue from Ravana as we don’t seem him interact a lot with Sita? I think that this would add it bit more depth to the story as well as help the reader understand how attached Ravana is to Sita. One suggestion would be to add some dialogue about Sita’s anger towards Ravana as well as her fear of him. I think this would add some more depth to Sita’s character. Anyway, I really enjoyed your story and how you showed Sita’s perspective.
Aleisha,
ReplyDeleteI found your story very enticing. I also agree that their was lack of emotion in the Ramayana, regarding Sita's capture by Ravana. I think adding more descriptive emotion would have allowed readers to sympathize and connect with Sita and Rama's situation more. Your story allowed me to have a greater perception of what Sita was truly thinking and feeling. It would nice to see what difference it would make, if other characters developed more emotions and were outspoken about them.
Hi Aleisha,
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you showed us what Sita was thinking as she was kidnapped. You did a great job of conveying the guilt and emotions that she must have been feeling. I like how this gives us her perspective on the situation and we can see how she blames herself for what happened. I also like the way you italicized what she was thinking. I felt like it made the story easier to read. I think it would be nice if you expanded on the story further. It seems like you stopped kind of early on when there could've been a little more to tell. I suggest you expand on the idea you have because this feels like the start to something good!